Yes, you want the stories in your fundraising appeals to spark emotion in donors.

But no, you can’t go crazy with it.

If you overuse adjectives and metaphors, you risk ending up with drivel like this: “The awesome burden of Sasha’s unending poverty fell like a heavy weight upon her small shoulders, and as she struggled to provide for herself and her kids and considered the hopelessness of her plight, the tears streamed down her face like rain on a windowpane.”

Wow — what drama! The problem is, the drama is so phony that it upstages credibility. And it sounds like AI nonsense.

Save the florid writing for your 1940s-era detective novel. The best stories and descriptions for fundraising are ones that tell themselves without embellishment. Think Hemingway. Be direct. That’s how to pull readers in.

Go back and reread your stories and descriptions with an eye toward eliminating unneeded adjectives and adverbs. Instead, focus on strong verbs. That’s where the power is, because verbs are action, and people lock onto writing that has action. Your copy will move readers. It will have the ring of truth.

You’re in fundraising and development. What do you think? Are your appeals working the way you want right now? Comment, or get in touch to compare notes.